I have not been able to post with a clear conscience lately. I have written, but not posted because to post on my convictions and accomplishments while having failed so badly seems so fraudulent.
I keep having a conversation with myself that says that others too must stumble and fall - that all the folks working hard to live sustainable, simple lives must surely make some bad judgments. And I remind myself that I forgive others; and in doing so, I only ask of others that when they fall into sin (sin being a loaded word but here meaning recognizing ones action as against God, people, and deeply held beliefs of what is "right" in the world)that they make amends as best as possible and then turn anew in the direction they should be going and continue on. The word origin of the word "repent" means to turn around. It is therefore in my spiritual and religious tradition to confess and seek forgiveness or otherwise remain stuck in mire. Here, stuck in mire means not blogging because I'm not able to get over my errors.
Forgive me for I have sinned:
I have argued with my husband and been angry with my mother and out of my anger caused my youngest to cry. (What really sucks is that I lost the argument). In attempting to stick to my guns on my ideals I have been brittle. Specifically, family wants a summer vacation to San Francisco - it will cost everything we have saved and about twice that and we are still going. We have a big blow up when my parents were here and they took the other side and I lost the battle. I'm still mad and I'm going on vacation. Go figure.
In my bull headedness I purchased a small 1974 camp trailer (thinking local vacation and a traveling retreat or something to tow for bug-out). I have spent money at IKEA outfitting said trailer rather than finding things at yard sales and thrift stores.
I used Sevin on the squash bugs.
In my attempts at voluntary simplicity and making from scratch I have succumbed to despair, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I have sulked.
I have not been faithful in prayer.
I and am heartily sorry for these my misdoings, the remembrance of them is grievous, the burden weighs heavily. I earnestly intend to turn anew, to live a life of simplicity and sustainability, to be frugal to hold to my beliefs to live in grace with my family, to be prayerful and be a right example to those with eyes to see.
And how do you deal with failure in your own lives? What is sin for you? Where do you experience forgiveness?